cute messages make me instinctively hide my face in my hands and fall to one side on my bed
this whole notion that guys who wear pink are suddenly feminine is so ridiculous. women aren’t portrayed as manly if they wear blue??? it reminds me of this quote i once read by gwen sharp, “Femininity is depicted as weakness, the sapping of strength, yet masculinity is so fragile that apparently even the slightest brush with the feminine destroys it.”
Fuck crashes man
THis shit is horrible
th epills work when I’m not crashing,. but when I crash/ it feels like they do do fuck all
it’s like being stuck in the wost part all over again. like when I was in the psyc ward
at leadst vodka helps.
at least vodka helps me not cut or burn or starve myself. I don’t want to worry my partners. the’re so sweet. so nice to me. I don’t deserve it, but I’m selfish so I’ll take it anyway.
shit i just want this crash to go away.
I need like a flagon of vodka or someshit
why can’t the taps pour vodka? it’s like the only thing that makes it go away without hurting myself.
fucvk I just wish I could be okay fo them. I don’t car e for my own health. they deserve a nice and healthy and happy partner. ugh.
fuck I hagte everyhting rn.
An Epic Tale!
#2 here, let me tell you all a tale of this goober I once met.
She was the most gooberest goob in all of goobville and all the other goobers were very jealous. So she got them all candy and everyone was happy. Also the candy was poison and they are all dead… Also she is pretty and is good at making me food!
<3 I hope something works even if it is as drastic as electro (or massive amounts of vodka drunk all the time is prob. a step up from depressed, even if your liver doesnt agree)
Yeah, I’ve tried everything else there is, so electro it is, I guess.
I’ve had some vodka, BAC at roughly 2%, so not too much but enough that I don’t feel bad and possibly even slightly okay. Cuddles are also really great right now.
I guess I’ll try electro, I’m young so the side effects shouldn’t be too bad.
My liver function came back perfect last time, but I’ve got to do another test sometime soon. I’m going to end up killing it sooner or later, but it’d be nice to know when, you know?
Anyway, thanks for being lovely~ Are things starting to work out for you?
I think I’ll curl up and cry until Naz comes over and then I’ll drink and hope that he doesn’t get mad or disappointed with me.
They’re such a sweetie. Fuck, why do they both put up with me seriously.
anyway sorry for the spam. Just trying to not go back and do more damage while I’m waiting. So um, yeah, sorry… Just ignore it it’s no biggie.
fuck I want to keep going so bad
I’ll have some vodka soon. I’ll try to hold on until then.
I’ve never not been happy with vodka. Even my the****** thought I was more well adjusted and doing much better when really I was either high or had some vodka. I can’t remember which one, but he never really said that when I came in 100% sober.
He was really lovely, though. Massively overqualified and definitely best psych I’ve seen out of the 3-5 or so I’ve seen.
After 3+ years of CBT, he said I’ve basically gotten all I can from it. All my doctors and psychologists/iatriatrsts agree I seem to be treatment resistant and are just loading me with sedatives so I don’t have the energy to do anything ‘drastic’.
I don’t even know what the fuck to do. I guess I’ll try out electro. My doctor said it’s one of the only remaining treatments we haven’t trialed. So I guess. I’m just not sure I care at the moment.
Tags #tw: depression
may or may not have had a wee relapse.
At least I have cute disney princess bandages.
I really don’t think that’ll make much difference for partners #1 and #2…
I don’t even know why I did it and why I’m feeling like this today. I mean, I have an idea, but fuck I feel so out of it I just don’t know.
All I know is that I really hate myself and that I’m not sure how long I can last.
If we’re friends, there’s a 106% chance that I’m always petrified that you secretly hate me.
this is a riddle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma